The fundamental difference is that conservatives think man is created in God's image. Liberals think they [themselves] are gods - they want to create utopia on Earth with wealth redistribution, breaking the bonds of marriage and ties between parents and a child.

Democrats are not angry about 9/11. Sad, maybe - sad that it didn't happen on Clinton's watch so his legacy would be more than a semen stain. But they're not angry.

The key to the U.N.'s global warming study was man's use of aerosol spray. You have to know the French were involved in a study concluding that Arrid Extra Dry is destroying the Earth. In a world in which everyone smelled, the French would be at no disadvantage. Aerosol spray. How convenient.

[Liberals] think they can pass a law eliminating guns and nuclear weapons, but teenagers having sex is completely beyond our control.

Everyone is skeptical. Only the media are not skeptical, but, then, they were also not skeptical when the administration put out the line that coordinated embassy attacks around the globe on the anniversary of 9/11 were just rowdy movie reviews. Numbers on a TV screen won't prevent millions of Americans from noticing that they're unemployed.

I know Jesus Christ died for my sins, and that's all I really need to know.

Since Vice President Al Gore is constantly making things up, it should come as no surprise that he wants Supreme Court justices who will do the same. As Gore put it, he will appoint judges who view the Constitution as a 'document that grows'.