Clinton masturbates in the sinks.

Back when they supported segregation, Lott and Thurmond were Democrats.

Democrats see our voluntary military supported by taxpayer dollars as their personal Salvation Army. Self-interested behavior, such as deploying troops to serve the nation, is considered boorish in Manhattan salons.

How can rogue terrorists in Iraq detonate bombs? They're all too busy flying kites with their children! Hasn't [Katrina vanden Heuvel (Queen of the May at the fun-loving Nation magazine)] seen Fahrenheit 9/11?

The key to the U.N.'s global warming study was man's use of aerosol spray. You have to know the French were involved in a study concluding that Arrid Extra Dry is destroying the Earth. In a world in which everyone smelled, the French would be at no disadvantage. Aerosol spray. How convenient.

Bush won the largest popular vote in history with a 3.5 million margin. Indeed, simply by getting a majority of the country to vote for him - the left's most hated politician since Richard Nixon - Bush did something rock star Bill Clinton never did. Bush maintained or increased his vote in every state but Vermont.

The Afghan "negotiation phase" immediately precedes the traditional Afghan "surrender phase." This entails the following: The defeated party surrenders and then comes out shooting. This is repeated several times. Finally, the vanquished party runs out of ammunition and is forced to surrender ' but seriously this time ' at which point the victors kill the foreigners and hug their fellow Afghans like long-lost brothers.