Liberals can't just come out and say, they want to take more of our money, kill babies, and discriminate on the basis of race.

Our gays are more macho than their straights.

Hollywood liberals could not be reached for comment on the cost of the inauguration because they were being fitted for gowns and jewelry worth millions of dollars in anticipation of Oscar night.

If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.

The only question I'd be interested in is what books other celebrities have read recently, which is part of my campaign to promote reading.

The Afghan "negotiation phase" immediately precedes the traditional Afghan "surrender phase." This entails the following: The defeated party surrenders and then comes out shooting. This is repeated several times. Finally, the vanquished party runs out of ammunition and is forced to surrender ' but seriously this time ' at which point the victors kill the foreigners and hug their fellow Afghans like long-lost brothers.

What actually happened during the Clinton presidency? No one can remember anything about it except the bimbos, the lies, and the felonies