No one knows what a marriage is like except the two people in it - and sometimes one of them doesn't know.

Don't indulge in gossip. ... People who throw mudballs always manage to end up getting a little on themselves.

A cigarette is a roll of paper, tobacco, and drugs, with a small fire on one end and a large fool at the other. Some of its chief benefits are cancer of the lips and stomach, softening of the brain, funeral procesions, and families shrouded in gloom and grief. Although a great many people know this, they still smoke in order to appear sophisticated.

trouble is not a sign of inadequacy, stupidity or inferiority, but rather an inescapable part of life - proof that you are a card-carrying member of the human race.

TV has had a stronger impact on our society than any single invention since the automobile. It has put the dead hand on conversation.

You need that guy like a giraffe needs strep throat.

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high, look it quarely in the eye and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.