Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another check-out line.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. ... Love is content with the present, it hopes for the future, and it doesn't brood over the past. It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.

Don't indulge in gossip. ... People who throw mudballs always manage to end up getting a little on themselves.

Assume nothing. Inside every dumb blond there may be a very smart brunette.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

A cigarette is a roll of paper, tobacco, and drugs, with a small fire on one end and a large fool at the other. Some of its chief benefits are cancer of the lips and stomach, softening of the brain, funeral procesions, and families shrouded in gloom and grief. Although a great many people know this, they still smoke in order to appear sophisticated.

If criticism is needed, do it tactfully. Don't use a sledgehammer when a fly swatter will do the job.