trouble is not a sign of inadequacy, stupidity or inferiority, but rather an inescapable part of life - proof that you are a card-carrying member of the human race.

A cigarette is a roll of paper, tobacco, and drugs, with a small fire on one end and a large fool at the other. Some of its chief benefits are cancer of the lips and stomach, softening of the brain, funeral procesions, and families shrouded in gloom and grief. Although a great many people know this, they still smoke in order to appear sophisticated.

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. ... Love is content with the present, it hopes for the future, and it doesn't brood over the past. It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.

No one knows what a marriage is like except the two people in it - and sometimes one of them doesn't know.

Keep skid chains on your tongue. Say less than you think. Cultivate a pleasant voice. How you say it is often more important than what you say.

I advise keeping four feet on the floor and all hands on deck.