The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.

I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

It is true, that all married men have their own way, but the trouble is they don't all have their own way of having it.

We wish genius and morality where affectionate companions, but it is a fact that they are often bitter enemies. They don't necessarily coalesce any more than oil and water do.

I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.

The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop Over!.... G. Washington never slopt over.

One of the principal features of my entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it.