No matter your spiritual beliefs, if you hold any, the answer is the same: sometimes, why is not knowable. If you open the refrigerator door and a tub of Kozy Shack tapioca pudding tumbles out and splats open onto the floor, you clean it. You donโt stand there and question why it happened, how it was possible. Why doesnโt matter now.
Augusten BurroughsI'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways.
Augusten BurroughsI was on the cover of a lot of newspapers. I was on the cover of USA Today for every single day for a month. I was on the masthead, so I tend to get recognized a lot, and in weird places. It's always flattering, and it's always odd. It's always at the worst possible time.
Augusten BurroughsAs a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that's just not what happened.
Augusten BurroughsI never could have written the screenplay because I would have been forced to learn new software and I can't learn one more thing.
Augusten BurroughsWhat I really want is to sit next to someone under an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and drink coffee from the same mug. I don't want some rusty '73 Ford Pinto with a factory-defective gas tank that causes it to explode when it's rear-ended in the parking lot of the supermarket. So why do I keep looking for Pintos?
Augusten Burroughs