I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.

Acting is a plum gig, and then animation is an even more plum gig.

When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.