I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.

So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.

I know my fan base is a smart group of people.

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.