How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten an function still talk and smile and concentrate?

I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.

one day I'll be old, without ever having really been young

I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.

I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn't hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I'm stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.

The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it's just dull. Everything's dull. Maybe it's because I'm growing up and life is becoming more blase.

Maybe the new me will be different.