My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.

Lying - remembering beauty in truth.

Alone. The saddest word in the world.

I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.

How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten an function still talk and smile and concentrate?

I’m really cracking. No, I’m beyond cracking. I’m shattered. I’m lost. I’m fragmented.

I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs--which shows how screwed up this world really is!