My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.

I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.

How can thoughts hurt so much when they aren't even physical?

I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.

I'm afraid to live and afraid to die.

I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.

I pretend I've got lots of confidence and I'm a big jock and like that but deep inside I'm a frightened, insecure, can't-make-it failure.