My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.

I’m really cracking. No, I’m beyond cracking. I’m shattered. I’m lost. I’m fragmented.

I would like to stay stoned all the time, it scares me it’s so good. I would like to stay stoned every minute of every day for the rest of my life.

Maybe the new me will be different.

Why is life so difficult? Why can't we be just ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are?

It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.

I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.