When you're a boy your life can be measured out as a series of uncomfortable conversations reluctantly initiated by adults in an effort to tell you things that you either already know or really don't want to know.

The study of the victim is called victimology because everything sounds better with and ology tacked on the end.

My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre.

...good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like base-jumping or crocodile-wrestling.

The Metropolitan Police Service is still, despite what people think, a working-class organisation and as such rejects totally the notion of an officer class. That is why every newly minted constable, regardless of their educational background, has to spend a two-year probationary period as an ordinary plod on the streets. This is because nothing builds character like being abused, spat at and vomited by members of the public.

The clever people at CERN are smashing particles together in the hope that Doctor Who will turn up and tell them to stop

If you ask any police officer what the worst part of the job is, they will always say breaking bad news to relatives, but this is not the truth. The worst part is staying in the room after you've broken the news, so that you're forced to be there when someone's life disintegrates around them. Some people say it doesn't bother them - such people are not to be trusted.