If you find yourself talking to the police, my advice is to stay calm but look guilty; it's your safest bet.

Somebody doesn't know they're not in Kansas anymore,' said Stephanopoulos.

What frustrated me was the thought that with three thousand years of history someone in China, some monk in a monastery halfway up a mountain, must have developed a magic kata, a physical expression of formae. Or at least have got close enough to explain all those legendary swordsmen and their inexplicable desire to roost on the tops of bamboo trees.

The clever people at CERN are smashing particles together in the hope that Doctor Who will turn up and tell them to stop

Questions would be asked. Answers would be ignored.

Landscaping is the great cardinal sin of modern architecture. It's not your garden, it's not a park - it's a formless patch of grass, shrubbery and the occasional tree that exists purely to stop the original developer's plans from looking like a howling concrete wilderness.

Every male in the world thinks he's an excellent driver. Every copper who's ever had to pick an eyeball out of a puddle knows that most of them are kidding themselves.