This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework.

If you find yourself talking to the police, my advice is to stay calm but look guilty; it's your safest bet.

You put a spell on the dog," I said as we left the house. "Just a small one," said Nightingale. "So magic is real," I said. "Which makes you a...what?" "A wizard." "Like Harry Potter?" Nightingale sighed. "No," he said. "Not like Harry Potter." "In what way?" "I'm not a fictional character," said Nightingale.

What's the biggest thing you've zapped with a fireball?' I asked. 'That would be a tiger,'said Nightingale. 'Well don't tell Greenpeace,' I said. 'They're an endagered species.' 'Not that sort of tiger,' said Nightingale. 'A Panzer-kampfwagen sechs Ausf E.' I stared at him. 'You knocked out a Tiger tank with a fireball?' 'Actually I knocked out two,' said Nightingale. 'I have to admit that the first one took three shots, one to disable the tracks, one through the driver's eye slot and one down the commander's hatch - brewed up rather nicely.

...good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like base-jumping or crocodile-wrestling.

My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre.

The clever people at CERN are smashing particles together in the hope that Doctor Who will turn up and tell them to stop