I gave the prescribed Metropolitan Police "first greeting". "Oi!" I said "What do you think you're doing?

Despite my mum being from a small village in the middle of a forest, I'm not a country person. I don't like my bacon sandwich to be curiously snuffling at my fingers. But sometimes being police means holding your breath and fondling a pig.

Coffee arrived and the espresso was excellent, like an aromatic electric fence.

My dad once told me that the secret to a happy life was never to start something with a girl unless you were willing to follow wherever it led. It's the best piece of advice he has ever given me, and probably the reason I was born.

Somebody doesn't know they're not in Kansas anymore,' said Stephanopoulos.

The study of the victim is called victimology because everything sounds better with and ology tacked on the end.

...don't ask me why I know what an Edwardian smoking jacket looks like: let's just say it has something to do with Doctor Who and leave it at that.