I gave the prescribed Metropolitan Police "first greeting". "Oi!" I said "What do you think you're doing?

That which does not kill us has to get up extra early in the morning if it wants to get us next time.

The motto of West African cooking is that if the food doesn't set fire to the tablecloth the cook is being stingy with the pepper.

He was calling it an atonic seizure because, even if he didn't know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name.

The clever people at CERN are smashing particles together in the hope that Doctor Who will turn up and tell them to stop

The first rule about a black woman’s hair is you don’t talk about a black woman’s hair. And the second rule is you don’t ever touch a black woman’s hair without getting written permission first.

If you ask any police officer what the worst part of the job is, they will always say breaking bad news to relatives, but this is not the truth. The worst part is staying in the room after you've broken the news, so that you're forced to be there when someone's life disintegrates around them. Some people say it doesn't bother them - such people are not to be trusted.