The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

There is a mass of people, we might as well admit, who if they weren't watching television, would be doing absolutely nothing else.

Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought.

TV's sameness has destroyed many things, such as the American urge toward independent thought.

They tell about a fifteen-year-old boy in an orphans' home who had an incurable stutter. One Sunday the minister was detained and the boy volunteered to say the prayer in his stead. He did it perfectly, too, without a single stutter. Later he explained, "I don't stutter when I talk to God. He loves me."

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

Television, I love it, everything that happened before television lumped together, never caused folks to turn on a street to stare at me, or waitresses to ask for autographs.