My kids hear me behind my door, giggling like an idiot, and they roll their eyes at the blatant indignity of it all.

Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

Keep in mind that in 1985, I had a potential readership of over 50 million Americans. At that time, a good portion of those were under 30.

I hate smoothies. Because they won't offer Firestone IPA beer as an ingredient.

I was never asked to join the Editorial Cartoonists Of America. No fraternity would have me in college, either. I think they know something.

I started as a news photographer at the University Of Texas' Daily Texan.