When I watch 'Breaking Bad,' my stomach is in knots.

Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.

I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.