Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

My dad was a dentist but I wasn't a hygienist. I assisted my dad.

Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.

[Nazi] copied stuff from us for their "final solution" but we get to walk around like we're the good guys.

I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.