Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

I don't mind either one [crowd that is more willing to interact or crowd that's more ready to just watch]. Both of them are forms of listening to what I'm saying so I can't ask for any more than that.

[Nazi] copied stuff from us for their "final solution" but we get to walk around like we're the good guys.

I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.

I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.