You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.

I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time.

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it's a fun place to live.

Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He's the coolest. I've never met The Rock though.