I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I'd like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don't have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I'm shooting for the middle.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

I'm also disappointed in the Democrats that Hillary [Clintom] was the best they could get - It just keeps going back to Bush's and Clinton's - I'm sick of 'em! Even Jeb [Bush] was hanging in there for a minute.

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.