[Nazi] copied stuff from us for their "final solution" but we get to walk around like we're the good guys.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere.

When you say, "there's no reason [to hit a woman]" that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, "there's no reason," you cut out the build-up and you're just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don't figure it out?

It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things.

I'm also disappointed in the Democrats that Hillary [Clintom] was the best they could get - It just keeps going back to Bush's and Clinton's - I'm sick of 'em! Even Jeb [Bush] was hanging in there for a minute.

Like I said, you guys in the media will treat the dumbest jack**s in the entire f***ng world like they won a Pulitzer prize for journalism and will put that level of weight on it, like they're an ambassador to some country we're trying to establish trade with.