I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood. My buddy says to me you think he's been hunting? Nope, They're probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here's your sign!

I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.

I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. "Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up..." WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right dude, you're up."

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?

I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.