You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh? The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.

Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."