And isn't that weird? Think about this, when you're born, you nurse on your mama. And then you get a little older, you go to applesauce. And then you see these toddlers walking around with these Ziploc baggies full of Cheerios. Then you get to be my age, and the doctor wants you to start eating Cheerios to watch your cholesterol. Then you lose your teeth, you go to applesauce. I now know why old men like women with really big boobs. They see a trend. I mean, they call it a nursing home, hello.

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?

And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!

I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.

Just when I think the human race has been lost to the "what about me" people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.