He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.

I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I'm superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here's your sign!