A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.

Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey... We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!

I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'