I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.
I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!
How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.