You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries.

Because of the Republicans, I'm not ashamed of being an American. I'm embarrassed!

Yes, in baseball when the team stinks, you fire the manager. But you don't fire him because it rains. And you don't let the opposing team choose a new manager for you. And you don't fire him between innings. And replace him with a Viennese weightlifter.

Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, 'You know what? Let's just grab lunch.'

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney.