To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.

People say to me all the time, "I get my news from your show." And that isn't the way they should get their news. But the choice is not between getting their news the right way and getting their news from my show. The choice is that they won't get any at all unless you give it to them in an entertaining package.

Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican.

As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don't want Sarah Palin to be president.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

I would rather put up with Rush Limbaugh and live in a country where we all do have freedom of speech.

New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids.