This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too?

I think the reason why more rapists go into the military is the same reason why predators go into the Catholic Church. It's a place they know they can get away with it.

You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

When I do stand-up around the country, I often see people walk out. This is a show that they've purposely gone to, where my name is on the ticket, and it cost them $75 or something. So, you think, Wow, that means that they either didn't know very much about me when they bought their tickets or they're that offended by what I've said. I've been doing this a long time. Anybody who comes to one of my shows must sort of have an idea of where I'm coming from.

I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is to realistically criticize what's wrong with it.

Americans are finally coming to a point where they're accepting of religious criticism, is because George Bush is the first president who really put religion so front-and-center. He's the most Christ-y president we've ever had - and he is, not uncoincidentally, the biggest disaster we've ever had. I think even people who are religious don't like it shoved down their throat. I think people kind of get it on a certain level, that this is an antiscience administration, and we're living in a time where we can't afford to be antiscience - for environmental reasons, for educational reasons.

I think Mitt Romney is a symptom. I think the problem is the Republican Party.