I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sarah Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing - Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner".
Bill MaherOur mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
Bill MaherNowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radioโyou know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th century and todayโBenedict told them he was going to resign because the Church needs a fresh, young face, somewhere other than a priest's lap.
Bill MaherI don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.
Bill MaherLaughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it.
Bill Maher