I’m supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here’s the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.

Every time somebody says 'Islamophobia' it gives the people who are intimidating cover.

Lip-synching?! Let that be a lesson. If you are in Washington, D.C., and you open your mouth and another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company or a bank.

Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.

I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me?

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?