Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it's not like you could get laid any less.

I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?

All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.

To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you're a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven - that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'