Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?

The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

Edward Snowden gave a little press conference today. He is apparently seeking temporary asylum in Russia. Because, you know, when you're tired of the government snooping into everything you do, Putin's Russia is definitely the place you want to go.

If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.

John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.

If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from a plane.