Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard.

Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background. I don't know how many wives he has. I'm not saying that I believe in that, I'm just saying he was born on a Mormon compound. I'm not a 'Wifer' but for some reason he's never shown his original marriage certificate.

But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?

To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as 'infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as 'Irish relatives.'