I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow. But the truth is, now they don't. I mean, the people who are trying to get us are young Muslim men, period.

I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing... When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.

I don't believe in a lot of things from the Bronze Age, but an eye for an eye does make a sort of symmetrical sense to me. I really believe that if somebody takes a life, that [death penalty] is what they should get. I also think it's a lot more humane than keeping people in a cage for the rest of their life.

Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard.

Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it.

The shame would be if Democrats get thrown out of office without ever having tried Democratic policies.

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!