Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.

In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.

Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow.

Jesus is not a candle. A company in South Dakota is selling candles with the scent of Jesus. You light one and your friends says, Christ, what's that smell?

Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and tax increases, then you're not being kept down by the rich. You're being kept down by you.