Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years ago, spent three days in the hospital, and maybe she has brain damage. You know, I don’t recall the Republicans being this concerned with mental fitness during the years when Reagan was talking to house plants in the White House.

Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.

Whatever good religion has done, it has come at a terrible price.

I think what's dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.

Recognition is one of the three big elements of comedy.

During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.

We're all gonna be gay if we get health care!