Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.

To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as 'infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as 'Irish relatives.'

When it comes to religion, we're not two sides of the same coin, and you don't get to put your unreason up on the same shelf with my reason. Your stuff has to go over there, on the shelf with Zeus and Thor and the Kraken, with the stuff that is not evidence-based, stuff that religious people never change their mind about, no matter what happens.

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers.

There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.