Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.

Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But you know, there is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them – but eventually snow goes away.

People do not want to be disillusioned by the new president [Barak Obama]. The liberals felt, finally, this is our time. Now they're worried. Now what they see is more business as usual. We all want to give him the benefit of the doubt, we know it's a tough job and he inherited a mess, but at the end of the day, is it really change we can believe in when there's no public options and Wall Street reform has no teeth in it? It really looks a lot like we just changed the color.

New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And I'm not talking about this past Easter. I'm talking about the last time I celebrated Easter, in 1962.

Arnold was on the 'Today' show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California's $38 billion budget deficit, without cutting spending or raising taxes because there was a third way. What is it? Let's just say it involves a robot going back in time to convince Gray Davis to go into dentistry.

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.