Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.

Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.

Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the people who follow him and call themselves Christians act nothing like him.

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.

But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?

Since the Icelandic volcano obviously needs a virgin sacrifice and the Catholic Church obviously needs new leadership the Pope must volunteer to jump in the volcano. Pontiff, don't think of it as endorsing paganism, think of it as supersizing Ash Wednesday.

I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.