This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.

There are people who think everything is a conspiracy and I think they're crazy.

New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was in the first place. Let alone his sexuality. What concerns me is adults who read 800-page books about magic schoolboys... and then try to talk to me about it. If I had the slightest interest in homosexuals with powers, I'd be a Republican.

As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'

Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.

Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?