People who don't like you almost never come up to you. That's a lot of years of saying things that I know a lot of people in this country hate me for. And the number of times someone has come up to me and said something negative, I could count on one hand.

My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?

Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.

I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.