For the first time since 1979, we are talking to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Obama says talking to him is probably pointless, but it's a hell of a relief from Mitch McConnell.

If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.

There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take.

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window.

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?

Ronald Reagan basically legalized every illegal immigrant in this country. I just like to bring this up because every week I like to make Republican heads explode about how they love Ronald Reagan, but would despise everything he did.