You're not a patriot unless even when you lose, it's still your country.

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

Every asshole who ever chanted 'Drill baby drill' should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty.

'The Lorax,'...it's a mythical, woodland creature, right, who's for saving trees. He speaks for the trees because no one else can. Kind of the way conservatives speak for fetuses.

Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!'

Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.

I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?