When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has been taken over by people like evangelicals, by people who do not believe in science and rationality. It is the 21st century. And I will tell you, my friend. The future does not belong to the evangelicals. The future does not belong to religion.

In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.

Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.

There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic. If you can love it, why not me?'

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they're so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid.