A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them - we're going to bring them democracy.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box.

Scientists say an 8.9 earthquake here could knock down buildings, flood coastal areas... and improve the roads.

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

What does it take for Republicans to take off the flag pin and say, 'I am just too embarrassed to be on this team'?