Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make you well? Is that such a hard sale?

[The Republicans] are always asking the Muslims to denounce their extremists. And I agree with them. But they don't take that note and do it among their own. They don't denounce their own extremists.

There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.

When the tabloids photograph me when I'm out, I always say: "You know what, folks? I'm not married and I'm not gay. You caught me with a hot chick. You got me. Take me to hot-chick jail. Did it again. Guilty."

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're DEFINITELY GAY!!

Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.