The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.

That's what American democracy has come down to at these town hall meetings: old people and gun nuts, which is a terrible combination. I heard somebody yell 'AK-47!' and a lady yelled, 'Bingo!'

New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't look like you're sensitive, you look like you're homeless.The last guy to pick up a chick with an Apple was Adam. And when you sit across from another dateless loser with a laptop, it still doesn't look like you're working--it looks like you're playing Battleship.

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is.