The Republican Party is like the corpse in 'Weekend at Bernies' and the Tea Party is like the two guys who put sunglasses and a party hat on it and drag it around.

You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money.

Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.

The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan to save their (butts) with other peoples' money. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay.

I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!